This book is designed to let you explore and move around freely according to your interests. The Expanded Table of Contents is designed to guide you in that process by providing a summary of main points covered in the book.
Most headings are questions. Each question is followed by a list of brief statements that summarize the response. These statement serve as subheadings. This expanded table of contents is designed to help you explore questions and responses that strike your interest. (The ebook will have clickable links. You can move through the pdf by highlighting an item in the table of contents and searching for that item.)
This format also makes it easy to find discussion topics that fit the interests of a group. Questions and responses were written to stimulate thinking and generate discussion.
I would love to hear your thoughts on these questions, especially if you have responses different than mine or suggestions for clarifying or improving what’s been written. Please send your thoughts and ideas in an email to bringtruthtofear@gmail.com. I will carefully consider them and include those that may be helpful in the next revision.
Introduction
PART ONE – UNDERSTANDING SUICIDE
Essentials
What are common features in people who attempt suicide?
In my experience, people who attempt suicide:
– Are in a state of emotional darkness where they only see pain and emptiness.
– Lack a secure sense of authenticity and belonging.
– Fear that their lives don’t matter and that they have nothing of value to contribute.
– Have experienced a build-up of physical, mental, and emotional tension.
- LOST IN EMOTIONAL DARKNESS
– What does it mean to be lost in emotional darkness?
A person becomes overwhelmed when their vision is blocked by emotional pain they can’t manage
– How does someone become lost in emotional darkness?
Their perceptions narrow and darken as their view of themselves and the world gets stuck in pain and despair. There are three parts to these perceptual changes:
What they understand – frame
What they feel – filter
What they pay attention to – focus
- SEEDS OF SUICIDE
What are the most common seeds of suicide?
Loneliness and isolation related to a lack of belonging and authenticity
What are the characteristics of Conditional Belonging?
Trying to belong by meeting conditions that don’t lead to true belonging
Lack of authenticity
Belonging by Exclusion
Fear
How do we get stuck in Conditional Belonging and Belonging by Exclusion?
Focusing on image restricts our vision
Judging self and others becomes a habit
Using categories and labels keep us from getting to know ourselves and others
Fear of rejection creates self-centered, short-term thinking
How does a lack of authenticity contribute to suicide?
Being on guard builds tension
Gifts and potential aren’t recognized or developed
Feel like a burden
Feel empty and worthless
Lack of meaning and purpose
Created images can lose effectiveness
How does fear create seeds of suicide?
Fear restricts our ability to see and think clearly
Fear makes us more self-centered
Fear leads to short-term thinking
Prolonged fear becomes a habit that narrows and darkens perceptions
Are there other “seeds of suicide” we need to be aware of?
The belief that human nature is essentially flawed
Humiliation
Lack of meaning and purpose
Lack of cultural support for less common traits
- TENSION BUILDS TO A TIPPING POINT
How does tension build to a tipping point?
Tension builds up when there’s a lack of Physical, Mental, and Emotional Balance
Fear produces tension
Fear-based messages contribute to increasing tension
A lack of belonging and authenticity keeps us in a state of tension
How does tension build in the body?
Tension builds in the body when energy sent to the muscles is not discharged through activity
How does mental tension build?
Mental tension builds when we dwell on threats and get stuck in negative thinking
How does emotional tension build?
Emotional tension builds when we try to restrict the full experience of emotion. (Experiencing and expressing emotion are two different things)
Recycling emotional events in our mind generates new emotion that can cause increased tension
PART TWO
ESSENTIALS OF MENTAL HEALTH:
IMPROVING OUR LIVES TO PREVENT SUICIDE
Essentials:
Mental health is maintaining the capacity for a healthy and fulfilling life.
Mental Health involves balance in body, mind, and emotion, broadening awareness, commitment to truth, and belonging. It’s a process of seeing ourselves and our world clearly and developing our gifts and potential to contribute to improving the world.
What improvements can we make in our lives to reduce the rate of suicide?
We can make a commitment to:
– Maintain Physical, Mental and Emotional Balance and work to create conditions that support Balance.
– See ourselves and others more clearly by expanding our conceptual frames, clearing our emotional filters, and learning to adapt our focus to fit the needs of the situation while being consistent with values and priorities.
– Realize how prolonged fear restricts our capacity to see and think clearly and how fear-based messages contribute to the problem.
– Transform fear into caution, care, curiosity, and connection.
– Be aware of the importance of belonging and authenticity
- WHAT IS MENTAL HEALTH?
What is a healthy and fulfilling life?
Seeing ourselves clearly
Recognizing and developing gifts and potential
Accepting and adapting to change and limitations
Recovering and learning from challenges
Seeing life as an ongoing learning process
Having a sense of meaning and purpose
Having healthy relationships
Contributing to community
How do we lose the capacity for a healthy and fulfilling life?
Tension in body, mind, emotion (lack of Physical, Mental, and Emotional Balance)
Restricted awareness
Lack of regard for truth – heart, mind, authenticity
Lack of belonging
Fear
Reliance on media
Seeking power over others and benefitting at their expense
What are the essential components of a healthy and fulfilling life?
Balance – body, mind, and emotion
Expanding awareness
Commitment to truth
Belonging
- BALANCE: RESTORING NATURAL FUNCTIONING
What is Balance?
Balance is our natural state when we’re not building tension. Our physical, mental, and emotional resources are at full capacity when we’re in Balance.
What’s different when we restore Balance?
Our lives become more productive, fulfilling, and enjoyable when we’re in Balance. Everything is easier when we are in Balance, and everything is harder when we are out of Balance.
What are the core functions that affect Physical, Mental, and Emotional Balance?
Body – Breath and Posture
Mind – Awareness of, and the ability to, redirect thinking that builds tension
Emotion – Allowing the full experience of emotion without resistance, understanding emotion as an overall assessement of the moment
- BALANCE: BODY
How does tension build in the body?
The autonomic nervous system gets out of Balance
Patterns of tension become habits
How do we recover from built-up muscle tension?
Regularly activate the parasympathetic nervous system and become aware of and resolve patterns of muscle tension
How do we activate the parasympathetic nervous system?
Rest and relaxation is a slower, indirect approach
Restoring the natural breathing rhythm has an immediate, direct effect
How does this work?
Direct stimulation of the right vagus nerve by slow, rhythmic movement of the diaphragm
How do we become aware of and recover from patterns of muscle tension?
Restore natural posture
- BALANCE: MIND
What is Mental Balance?
The capacity to observe and redirect thinking
What’s happening in the brain when mental tension is building?
Entrenched pathways are formed through fear and repetition.
How does fear affect thinking and learning?
Fear creates faster, more entrenched pathways that are more easily accessed
How do we become aware of where our thoughts are taking us?
Restore physical Balance and practice stepping back and observing our thoughts
How do we stop thinking about things that create tension?
Create an “exit pathway” by repeating a Rhythm Phrase
Practice redirecting thoughts
How do we open our minds?
Maintain Physical Balance
Develop a habit of pause and reflection
Ask questions
- UNDERSTANDING EMOTION
What are the essential features of emotions?
Emotions are experienced in the body
Emotions provide an overall assessment of the moment and adjust our energy to respond to the needs of the situation
Emotions suppressed in the past distort emotions in the present
Emotions depend on perception – they change when we shift focus
Emotions are temporary
Emotions are different than thought – they are also faster
Memories connected to emotion are more easily established in the brain
All humans experience the same emotions
Sharing emotion is a means of connection with others
How do we get out of Emotional Balance?
Tension blocks and distorts emotional awareness
Emotions become more volatile when we’re tired, hungry, or under pressure
We build tension when we suppress emotion
Recycling thoughts about emotional events stimulates more emotion
Trauma throws our emotions out of Balance when the sudden increase in tension is not resolved soon after the event
Consistent fear-based messages contribute to the build-up of emotional tension – they have a numbing effect, which increases our need for stimulation
- RESTORING EMOTIONAL BALANCE
How do we restore Emotional Balance?
Physical Balance – fully experience emotion without tensing or breath holding
Mental Balance – redirect thoughts when they start to build tension
Separate thought from emotion
Recover from built-up emotional tension
Discern if emotion fits the moment
Recognize emotion as one piece of information
Avoid judging emotions
Clarify what we are feeling
Set aside regular time for quiet reflection
What does Emotional Balance look and feel like?
Ongoing process of discernment
Accurate read on the moment
See what’s important and relevant
Transform fear into caution, care, curiosity, and connection
Easier to connect with others
Decreased need for stimulation
Increased awareness of beauty and harmony
10: EXPANDING AWARENESS: CREATING A FLEXIBLE FRAME
What are the features of a flexible frame?
Balance
Accept uncertainty and confusion
Drop adversarial and scarcity mindsets
Move beyond binary categories
Let go of judgment
Understand other perspectives
Expand thinking and perception
Recognize gaps in logic and reasoning
Accept limits of knowledge and perspective
Curiosity is awakened, the desire for is truth revived
Awareness of beauty, room for joy
Drawn to seek a variety of input and experience
Discover gifts and potential, accept limitations and obstacles
See the value and potential in humanity
How do we create a flexible, expanding frame?
Maintain Balance
Be open to input
Change perspective
Ask questions
Be aware of bias
Learn about intention and methods of media producers
Take time for silence and reflection
Be in nature
- SEEING CLEARLY: CLEAR EMOTIONAL FILTER
What are the features of a clear filter?
Emotions fit the moment and provide helpful information
The need for stimulation is diminished.
We experience empathy and a desire for connection
How do we clear our emotional filters?
Maintain Balance
Experience emotion without tension or breath holding
Develop emotional awareness
Discernment
Avoid recycling emotion
- SEEING CLEARLY: ADAPTABLE FOCUS
What are the features of an adaptable focus?
Not stressed, pressured, or afraid
Receptive rather than forced
Drawn to what’s interesting, necessary, and important
Aware of a larger picture and relevant details
Able to shift perspective
Adjusts to the needs of the situation
Aware of values and priorities
How does our focus become fixed and fragmented?
Stress, pressure, and hurry
Fear
Anxiety
Manipulation by producers of media and social media
How do we develop the capacity to adapt our focus to fit the needs of the situation?
Maintain Balance
Take a step back
Shift perspective
Limit screen time
Allow focus to emerge
Spend time in nature
- COMMITMENT TO TRUTH
What is truth?
Truth is being in harmony with reality
Truth is a deepening understanding of what is real, relevant, and important.
Learning truth is a process of discovery with no end in sight.
Truth involves heart, mind, and authenticity
What does truth have to do with mental health?
Our understanding of what is true defines and limits how we live our lives.
A shared understanding of truth forms our culture and affects our relationships
Our sense of reality is limited by what we believe is true and meaningful
A lack of regard for truth feeds hate and prolonged fear
What gets in the way of truth?
Prolonged fear
Self-Centeredness
Need for control and certainty
Use of broad categories
Adversarial mentality
Narrow, fragmented thinking
Scarcity mindset
Seeking power over others
Benefitting at the expense of others
Media messages that only serve the media producer
- COMMITMENT TO TRUTH – HEART
What are the features of a true heart?
Fully present
Emotional Awareness
Awareness of the whole and how we are connected
Clear values and priorities
Relationships matter
Meaning and purpose provide direction
What keeps our hearts true?
Respect
Honesty
Community
Commitment to quality
Don’t harm others
Don’t benefit at the expense of others
Don’t seek power over others
Don’t judge those who do no harm
Appreciation and gratitude
- COMMITMENT TO TRUTH – MIND
How do we know what is true
Ask questions
Be aware of our own bias
View from different perspectives
Check evidence and sources
Consider history, context, and implications
Look past labels and categories
Check logic and reasoning – does it fit together?
Explore what’s missing
Develop media literacy
Practice humility - COMMITMENT TO TRUTH – AUTHENTICITY
How is our sense of self formed?
There are two aspects of self: The authentic self and the constructed self
What aspects of the constructed self are based in fear?
Self-centeredness – trying to impress or manipulate
Need for power, control, and certainty
A tendency to judge self and others using broad categories
Caught up in competition
Narrow, fragmented thinking
Insecurity and the need for attention, recognition, and possessions
How do we become more authentic?
Maintain Balance
Let go of fear of judgment and the need to impress
Humility
Expand awareness of self and others
Commit to truth of heart and mind
- BELONGING: THE ESSENTIAL NEED
What does it mean to “truly belong”?
True belonging is a feeling of being valued, included, and connected. It involves:
Acceptance and non-judgement
Developing gifts and potential
Shared responsibility
Restored natural capacities
Inclusion and connection
No enemies
What gets in the way of belonging?
Overemphasis on individuality
Lack of Balance
Time
Fear
Conditional Belonging, Belonging by Exclusion, and Belonging through Achievement
Dismissiveness
Media messages
How do we gain a sense of belonging?
Commit to the essentials of mental health – Balance, expanding awareness, and truth of heart, mind, and authenticity
Transform fear into caution, care, curiosity, and connection
Realize we are part of nature and our nature is to belong
Accept the challenges of belonging in an individualistic culture
Reach out and connect
PART THREE
WHAT WE CAN DO DAY-TO-DAY
Essentials
What can we do in daily life to address conditions that can lead to suicide?
We can promote belonging and authenticity by developing a mindset of kindness while striving to see ourselves and others more clearly with open hearts.
- CREATE CONDITIONS FOR BELONGING AND AUTHENTICITY
An Example of the Power of Belonging and Authenticity
How can we help create conditions that promote authenticity and belonging?
Commit to mental health – Balance, expanding awareness, commitment to truth of heart, mind, and authenticity, and belonging
Accept self and others without judgment
Look beyond labels and categories
Respond to bullying
Shift focus outward
Make contact
- ONE SIMPLE THING: KINDNESS
What are the essential features of kindness?
Being authentic
Being receptive
Being in touch with the needs of the moment
Seeing value and potential
Having no expectations
Communicating acceptance through eyes and voice
What’s the difference between being kind and being nice?
Nice can be superficial and self-serving
Kindness is genuine and helpful
How does kindness affect us?
Expanded vision
Improved mood, health, and outlook
Increased safety
How does kindness affect others?
More open and receptive
Less defensive
Increased optimism
Able to shift perspective
More likely to trust
- BRINGING KINDNESS TO DIFFICULT TIMES
What keeps us from being kind?
Fear
Self-centeredness
Stress, pressure, distraction
Judgment
Recycling hurt and resentment
Lack of forgiveness
How can we incorporate kindness into everyday life?
Shift focus outward
Make contact
Be empathic
Practice
How can we be kind to someone who is threatening or disrespectful?
Balance and understanding
Caution, care, curiosity, and respect
- SEE CLEARLY WITH AN OPEN HEART
How do we remove obstacles to seeing clearly with an open heart?
Gratitude
Optimism
Balance
Acceptance
Clarifying
Kindness - HELPING OTHERS SEE MORE CLEARLY WITH MORE OPEN HEARTS
How do we help others to see more clearly with more open hearts?
Balance
Empathy
Respect
Interest
Curiosity
Humility
APPENDIX
A. Links for resources
B. Understanding Balance: Excerpts from Slow Down and Lighten Up: Letting Go of Stress and Tension
C. Losing Someone to Suicide
Essentials
Losing someone we know to suicide can have long-term devastating effects.
It can lead to unanswerable questions that tend to increase pain and suffering
Recovery from suicide loss tends to be long-term process that requires ongoing support
Survivors of suicide loss may themselves become at risk for suicide
How does suicide affect those left behind?
Shock and emotional chaos
Shame, awkwardness, isolation
Diminished health
Guilt and blame
Trauma recycled from seeking answers
Increasing fear and anxiety
Inability to function adequately
Difficulty experiencing happiness or joy
Suicidal thoughts
How do you deal with the question why?
Expand the frame
Realize they were blinded by emotional darkness
Accept not knowing
How do survivors of suicide loss recover?
Balance – make healing a priority
Cry without resisting
Time and space
Maintain a self-care routine
Honor them by how we live our lives
Keep active and connected
Understand the natural grieving process
Clarify and let go of anger
Avoid recycling thoughts that trigger more emotion
Anticipate and manage triggers
Connect with other survivors of suicide loss
How can we support someone who has lost a friend or loved one to suicide?
Maintain Balance
Connect, be available
Listen
Support crying
Avoid cliches
Ask what they need
Create a support team
Bring Truth to Fear 